Well, I'm back

So.


I'm back.


I'm not even sure if I'm surprised or not. I guess since I have invested a good hour of my time so far in this (including agonising over all the different colour schemes, layouts, themes etc) I didn't want to waste it - at least not yet.


Plus, I found the little gadget that allows little fish to swim about at the top of the page. Swishy swishy swishy. Please, as I politely request in a little statement above them, take the time to drop a bit of virtual fish food in there. They like that. Omnomnomnom. 


This little gadget alone was worth at least a second post :)


So, how have I been since the last post? Well, a mixture of feelings have flitted across my tiny little mind.


1) Happy and Full. My wife had cooked my favourite meal - spaghetti bolognese. Absolutely love it. Unfortunately, I eat far too much of it and always forget to take into account its fabulous expanding-whilst-in-the-stomach properties.


2) Uncomfortable, but still strangely happy. See point 1, but add the fact this was post-expansion of foodstuffs.


3) Angry. Annoyed at myself for having a moment of madness at about 11pm last night, involving checking work email (why? WHYYY? Never a good idea... ) and volunteering to help someone out in the morning in an area I have no particular expertise in, and that would probably cause me immense pain and emotional trauma.


4) Elated. I woke up thinking it was Saturday, and that - silly me - I'd forgotten to turn my alarm off. All I had to do was switch it off and drop back into blissful sleep.


5) Emotionally Destroyed. See point 4, add 5-10 seconds to the end of the story.


6) Frustrated. See point 3. Whilst attempting said help, true to prediction I confirmed the ever-present theory that my company's multi-million pound investment (cough) in a decent ERP system cannot appear to cope with anything more taxing than a MacDonald's Drive-Thru order.


7) Resigned. Yesterday, I attempted to inject a bit of humour into my team with some comments around some of the stupid phrases large global powerhouses are trying to tell everyone else that CEOs will absolutely listen too without bursting out laughing and thinking you're a complete muppet. It was well received by everyone - except one, who this morning took the comments seriously and started going off on a tangent about how the rest of the information was good. Fail. Although on whose part, I don't know, as to be honest this particular individual has a habit of appearing to have little sense of humour or social skill, but altogether impressive skills at inserting himself up the rectum of the nearest senior person of Management level or above.


8) Happy. Lunch time! Shared a laugh or two with a colleague.


9) Really Happy. Found the fish gadget for the blog.




So yes, a bit of a rollercoaster, but not too different to any other day. I'd like to pick up on point five though and record the thoroughly stupid phrases for your amusement, or (more likely) posterity as I'm still pretty sure no-one is ever going to read this other than me.


Here we go :)

• "The Dawn of Standards"
• "The Zenith of Industrialisation"
• "The Dusk of Obsolescence"
• "The Trough of Disillusionment"
• "The Peak of Inflated Expectations"
• "The Slope of Enlightenment"
• "The Plateau of Productivity"

I wasn't going to name the companies responsible but sod it - I challenge anyone who doesn't work at IBM or Gartner - no, you know what, they can be included - to try and utilise these phrases you have coined whilst on some form of acid trip in normal conversation (even including normal business conversation, if such a thing can be defined) and still be taken 100% seriously. Office jargon at its very, VERY worst. Unfortunately, I can only see it getting worse still.


But who cares. As long as I have my wife's spag bol, I'm happy again :)