I think I either wipe out select details from previous journeys from my mind, or at the grand old age of (almost) 30 I am still growing.
I'm a tall guy, 6ft 4", but that's not exactly abnormal these days is it. So why oh why oh why do they create seats in Standard Class that are far too small and compact?
I'm well aware of maximising carrying capability for the best possible economic return etc but this is silly. I'm hunched over like a smartly dressed silverback gorilla, hammering away on my keyboard of my netbook that is on one of those silly little trays attached to the back of the seat in front of you. And yet my knees are crammed up against the seat in front, my head is bowed, my legs are bent as is my back, and I appear to be doing some form of Tyrannosaurus Rex impression with my arms in that anyone would think that they start at my elbows and somehow protrude from my ribs, not my shoulders.
This is all after I have pushed through to the empty window seat, past the woman sitting in the aisle seat. I then had to perform the intricate dance of new train boarders and struggle out of my coat and then place it and my laptop backpack up on the inadequately small shelves, whilst my body was bent over backwards and doing a very realistic impression of a suited and booted boomerang. This is because, of course, you can't prepare whilst actually in the aisle - the other new train borders desperate to get past to find a seat are actually legally allowed to kill and eat you if you hold them up in this way.
At least that would be more impressive grub than the food on the actual train. I've made that mistake too, before. Ordered a "Breakfast Bap", I did. Sausage, bacon and egg with brown sauce. When it was plonked in front of me after being nuked in the on-board microwave, I asked for another - one that had not previously passed through someone else's digestive system. Apparently, this was not funny. I think out of sheer curiousity and an internal voice saying "go on, be craaazy today! Experience life! And possibly death!" I actually took a bite. Never, ever, ever again. I swore that after that stupid mistake I only had days, possibly minutes to live before whatever viral or bacterial threat took my life away from me.
I can just see the headstone now - "Here lies someone who tried train food. The idiot."
And as for fares going up again - well I might just jolly well be annoyed if I actually had to pay for them. Luckily, I don't. However, I can't help but recall that the last four or five fare hikes have been to "improve the service received by our wonderful customers". Please correct me if I am wrong, but I have not seen one single improvement. Not one. The way they ferry us all about like cattle you would think they're making a fair buck. I know that there are maintenance and repair costs for the network, but still... I find it hard to believe that the extra money received from our increased fares are being well spent.
But then again, maybe we are all stupid for using the train. I mean, I am travelling from Kemble to London in a tiny seat in a vehicle out of my control getting wound up by the certain knowledge my train is probably going to be delayed or cancelled for my return journey (it always happens to me) on a day when I really need to be back on time to attend our first NCT class. My knees hurt, my legs are uncomfortable, the seat is not great and the train is getting overcrowded again now we are actually at Reading, and people who have paid like me are forced to stand.
People can buy return airline tickets to Spain for £30 or something silly sometimes, so what tiny charge do the train operators place on us travelling in 'peak' times?
£117.00 for me. That's ridiculous. Why is that OK? And why do we keep paying it?
They've got us over a barrel, that's why.
Makes me so mad I might just go stomp around a bit and wipe out Tokyo later.
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